Being a Malayali

... and not a Keralite.

I've been away from my homeland, for two years straight. Situations throw you into a mish-mash  of people hailing from all over India, and I accept, it was weird and unsettling in the beginning. But you change overtime, slowly. And armed with the following superpowers vested in you, life out there is cakewalk.

• Listen and adapt - I don't know how true this is, but a friend of mine said that Malayalam is the second most difficult language to learn, right under Mandarin. But it seems plausible, since it is an elaborately designed tongue. The uninitiated would find it hard to even tell the words apart as we speak! There are hardly any breaks between words - it just rolls and gurgles on to the end. Since it's hard for others to learn our language, you are left with no option, but to learn theirs - which comes with ease, slowly but surely.
• Encrypted tongue - It works most of the time. You could shout and abuse each other in the metro, in the bus, or even in the middle of the road, and no one would have a clue. Somethings that you don't get to do back home. But.... there is a catch.
• Wherever you go, they are there - It's like an epidemic. You find them everywhere, even where you don't expect them at all! Sometimes they just pretend to be an outsider, and overhear all your conversations. And they'd just leave with a oneliner in Malayalam at the end, making you look like a total  ശശി .
• One for all, and all for one - Back in Kerala, you just get tired of seeing too many "blaady mallus." But once you realise you are alone, even a complete stranger would seem like a long lost friend (if he's some random connection with you, god help him). And you would end up conversing stuff that you normally wouldn't ... to a stranger, c'mon! You are that vulnerable.

At the end of day, you have your bunch of friends, who reassure you that the place you live in is a home away from home. That occasional taste of the native cuisine, is enough to drive your miseries away and keep you going.

How to survive the Great Slowdown

On the backdrop of recent events when our beloved King Singh gave a heartbroken I-day speech, all hope seems to be lost and the media starts scaring you with impending doom; I thought I would share a few pointers that would help the selfish anarchist in you survive in the days ahead.

There are some nonsensical things we do, that are considered OK. I wouldn't actually call it austerity measures. Think about these and see if you can stop doing them.

1. Start cutting down on overpriced junk food. A few months ago, I saw a donation box in KFC that wanted me to donate some spare change to conquer "hunger in the world". Makes you feel guilty, doesn't it? I was holding that pricey burger in my hand, and I realized that I don't actually need it.
2. Get used to cheap transport. Once you are employed and you have the luxury of commuting in your own motorbikes and buying Air trips back and forth, its hard to imagine going back to school-days when your pocket money was a 100 Rs. ($2 in those days. Not now.) note for a month. Brush up your footboard-hanging and hitchhiking skills.
3. Recognize your first-world problems and deal with it. When you are in your comfort zone, it's natural that you dig up discomforts in your daily routine, and cry about it to make your life miserable.
   Like you never have enough time, the food in the canteen is either too spicy or not spicy enough, your broadband is not broad enough, the girls in your college/workplace are not outdoorsy enough, the beer you get is too bitter and there is no end to this rant.
   I have done it too; and I despise myself for doing it. Trust me you would have lots to complain about, in the future.
   
   
   What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

   
   Go by that thought.
   Recommended watch: Into the Wild - essentially a primer course in living with no money.