Looking Back

It's that day of the year again. Resolutions, promises to change, and parties to kickstart the ride. Surprisingly, I find a lot of people, cheerful all around, everywhere! It is humbling to witness how a random date, set as the "starting point" of the Earth's perennial revolution around the Sun, could collectively influence so many minds.

Let us not digress. Instead of piling on more hollow promises, I thought I would spare a moment and see how things have been. A little over two years back, I wrote this piece on my blog and called it my "Bucket List" (didn't realise back then that the phrase was reference to the idiom, kick the bucket or to die). Looking back, I am glad that I could cross out most of the points. Some ride it has been. Went places, learnt the guitar(mastery would have to wait), started reading again, hardly watch any movies these days (damn! a stupid idea. What was I thinking?), met amazing friends, let go of all the miseries and opened up my mind and yeah, found closure to a 6 year long dream (mmhmm!). All that with five months left to 25. 

It is interesting how the course of your life, and your priorities change in a matter of few years; just when I was starting think that you hardly change anymore after adulthood. Not just me, I have noticed the same with all my friends, even the most "inertial" ones yearn change. I keep getting proved wrong over and over again. Well, Forrest Gump, you were right. Life is a box of chocolates.

What next? Well, the way ahead is still foggy. The only way to find out is to try and set out on the journey. Uncertain times are exciting! As things settle down to normalcy, who knows, I might write down another Bucket List again.

So for now, Glückliches neues Jahr!

P.S: Although I'm fairly confident that the above translation makes sense, if it is wrong the blame goes to Google.

Being a Malayali

... and not a Keralite.

I've been away from my homeland, for two years straight. Situations throw you into a mish-mash  of people hailing from all over India, and I accept, it was weird and unsettling in the beginning. But you change overtime, slowly. And armed with the following superpowers vested in you, life out there is cakewalk.

• Listen and adapt - I don't know how true this is, but a friend of mine said that Malayalam is the second most difficult language to learn, right under Mandarin. But it seems plausible, since it is an elaborately designed tongue. The uninitiated would find it hard to even tell the words apart as we speak! There are hardly any breaks between words - it just rolls and gurgles on to the end. Since it's hard for others to learn our language, you are left with no option, but to learn theirs - which comes with ease, slowly but surely.
• Encrypted tongue - It works most of the time. You could shout and abuse each other in the metro, in the bus, or even in the middle of the road, and no one would have a clue. Somethings that you don't get to do back home. But.... there is a catch.
• Wherever you go, they are there - It's like an epidemic. You find them everywhere, even where you don't expect them at all! Sometimes they just pretend to be an outsider, and overhear all your conversations. And they'd just leave with a oneliner in Malayalam at the end, making you look like a total  ശശി .
• One for all, and all for one - Back in Kerala, you just get tired of seeing too many "blaady mallus." But once you realise you are alone, even a complete stranger would seem like a long lost friend (if he's some random connection with you, god help him). And you would end up conversing stuff that you normally wouldn't ... to a stranger, c'mon! You are that vulnerable.

At the end of day, you have your bunch of friends, who reassure you that the place you live in is a home away from home. That occasional taste of the native cuisine, is enough to drive your miseries away and keep you going.

Learning to Live

As I look back at 22 years of my life, I realise that my life took two sharp turns to define me as a person that I am today.

In my defence, this is not a prose in praise to myself. Nor am I saying I am the perfect son or most adorable friend you ever saw. I had some life-changing incidents, and a few influences; and it might help you realise, how much wider your mind grows with age.

A man sooner or later discovers that he is the master-gardener of his soul, the director of his life.
- James Allen

Age One: Dawn of Teenage (12-15)

    Naive, unassuming me. I was a child of reason, and accepted life as it is. Rarely doubting what my friends would say. The funny thing is, I never realised I was like this. However in those days, I went on, as a dreamer. And I dreamt of science and how it could change the world, things I still believe in.
     With a small circle of friends I was happy. People who I still swear by, even now. Jayashankar knew what went through my "alternate universe" and we talked about it, lots. Even when I was stuck home, many  pointless topics were furiously discussed over the phone, God knows why. We were similar in ways more than one. We obeyed the Law of conservation of mass, conserved it for years. The world beyond us seemed lesser than us. To add spice to this world, I put up with my male chauvinist act.
     And there was Kalyan chettan, my cousin, my mentor. He taught me how to ride the bicycle. He made me believe, that maybe I was different, in a good way. I knew I had a long way to go.
    The best part - I was being myself, never tensed, never self-conscious. Who knew things were about to change soon?

Age Two: Reinventing myself (16-17)

     High school was over. I was fed up with my school and somehow I was sure, it held no future. What followed was 2 years of dramatic changes. I chose to switch schools.

      Following the call of Pink Floyd, I slowly started undoing the wall. An artistic eye opened in me. Public speaking, was something I had never even dreamed I would be capable of; turned out I was more than OK at it. Majority of my Plus One days in school were consumed by the Drama rehearsals for Annual School Play. For the first time in my life, I danced - a skill that I would cherish for the rest of my days.

     But all the good things apart, I was drifting away. I was surrounded by an uncanny peer group. Some were down to earth, and fun to hang out with. Some made you think you were larger than life, and lied to your face. The naive me, had to change if I had to survive. Arjun, my friend, helped me realise this and since then I thought for a second, before I act or react.

     Too much goodness could damage you. 

     For the Plus Two year I was engulfed in the usual rat race of Board examinations and Entrance Tests. I am grateful for my parents for avoiding putting pressure on me. And that's the story how I was saved from drowning in the deep.

Age Three: Light at the end of the tunnel (18-22)

    College had begun. I had to start anew. No old friends were here to cling on to the past. But just like everyone else, I couldn't forget how wondrous school life was. I couldn't find the same awesomeness in my new college. I was doubtful. Not that I locked up myself in a room and threw the key away. I did meet people, made a lot of friends; but I kept my distance.
     Why? I was afraid that drowning in the madness that was college- the mobs, small gangs, and perverted talks- could get to me and eventually, change me.
      And then there was Arun. He said, "You know what your problem is? You are never happy with who you are!" A few honest words are all it takes to wake up your friend. It shook me; it shook me from deep within.
     Maybe it was that shadow of dissatisfaction, that was driving me to seek better. But now, I was grown up, and responsible. I could command myself. I then, took the dive. Let go my mind, and lived in the moment. Sharing your life with your friends is some of the best moments you'd ever get.

    So what did I learn? You might not get everything right, the way you want it. Be good to people and they would be good to you (Karma, karma!). Never lose yourself, be the master of your mind.... and stay happy!

Time is Life

The past few weeks of my life were the most dramatic, glorious ones. Things start getting too good for you, they happen  so fast... that, it is next to impossible to squeeze enough time out. Those were yes, the golden moments...

Childhood was great... you had a hardcore gang of 5-6 buddies, and your life mostly revolved around the innocent jokes you played. Now, you are 20, and your friend circle has expanded exponentially... you can't miss out catching up with anyone, nor upset with negligence.

Sometimes I wonder if you ever get wary of keeping it alive, and connected. Ever wondered what it would be like to just I S O L A T E? Surely it is crazy, but is socializing any less insane?

Today I'm running away... just to spend the holiday lazing around (-_-)